A crime wave to be proud of

This morning's Dominion Post delivered two stories that amount to an electr(on)ic crime puddle seeping through New Zealand. First,

A thief stole three Oral B electric toothbrushes worth more than $300 from the Cuba St Farmers. He was chased into The Dominion Post building but escaped. The toothbrushes were recovered. Do you recognise this person?

A splendid photograph of the offender accompanies the report. Mouth is closed, perhaps to hide neglected teeth. The shame! Life is cruel: no doubt he only wanted to improve oral hygiene of his nearest and dearest.

And how about this riveting headline? Cybersquatter changes mind over jet website. Naughty Mr Twigge had registered www.ozjet.co.nz two days after OzJet airline announced that it would start trans-Tasman flights. Asked Ozjet for $5000, then for free flights to a theme park for a terminally ill child and his family.

A contrite Mr Twigge, of Palmerston North, said he raised money, which he then donated to charity, by buying and selling domain names.

He has now quit the practice and issued a public apology for causing offence. He now says [...] he crossed the line in terms of ethics, though the practice is legal. [...] "I'm a Christian, but I probably haven't walked the walk. I screwed up."

Lovely Mr Twigge, where were you when we were searching domain names for a new venture? Domain tasters without a trace of Robin Hood snatched some of our best choices the moment we noted them as possibilities. Such meanies! Eventually we just bought any domain name that looked halfway OK. We don't want them. Nor do we want the hassle of changing ownership. Anyone for Akonga.com, taupata.com, onehourofpower.com, poneke.dom? Wait 11 months and they're yours.

P.S. I'm sorry to say New Zealand does have real criminals and horror crimes, besides quaint peccadilloes. We don't skite about those.